Friends who hurt & friends who heal

  • “You should go on what not to wear” 8 years old
  • “I like these girls, they’re not all stick skinny like you” 15 years old
  • “You should just leave the student section, no one wants you here” 16 years old
  • “Stop talking about the things you’re doing, we see it all over social media and we don’t need to hear about it here” 19 years old
All of these things were said to me by my “friends”. Statements that maybe didn’t seem like much to them left scars on me and gave me a pretty messed up idea of what friendship should be.
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Friendships were hard for me growing up and still are today!! When I was young I was so scared of not having any friendships that I would have rather been in a bad one than have none at all. I stayed in toxic relationships for way too long.
I was fascinated by other girls who had their one “bff” they did everything with. Bake, take pictures, sleepovers, you know how it is. I was so set on having that one person, I would limit myself and exclude anyone else from filling that prized position of “best friend”.
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Unfortunately for me, these people I considered my “best friends” were far from good friends & they left me with a broken heart & a skewed perspective of what friendship really is. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me because after each failed friendship I came to the conclusion that the common denominator was me.
There must be something in ME people were seeing that they didn’t like, that wasn’t worth keeping a friend in. Believing those lies for so long resulted in a callused heart that shut its gates, never trusting or letting anyone in.
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Being hurt repeatedly like this affected the way I see God as friend because I’ve struggled with friendships almost all my life. If I viewed God based on my experience with friends He would be shallow, condescending and disloyal. Thank goodness that’s not true! As I’ve slowly opened my heart to Him about this He’s been gently restoring me, healing the broken pieces and showing me what real friendship looks like. (That’s what it looks like;)
I’ve been blessed  with some amazing friendships in college that have taught me how to be a friend, but also gave me an example of how God is my friend. He is good, He is loyal, He always wants to chat & He never shows up late for a coffee date. He forgives & doesn’t remember the times we let Him down because he’s so fascinated by being in relationship with us.
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Knowing how deeply God loves me as a friend teaches me how I ought to love my friends here on earth. Every time I experience His overwhelming, undeserving forgiveness, I can’t help but think He’s gently whispering in my ear to let go & forgive all the people that hurt me years ago.
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I mean, there are kids from 3rd grade I can remember left scars on my heart & I STILL hold on to those comments & believe them about myself. Hahahah how silly!!!! LET IT GO NICOLE!
Maybe I’m just preaching to myself and if so, then thanks for joining this group therapy session, but I would bet I’m not the only one who’s been damaged from mean girls or poisonous friendships.
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The hardest thing to do is to forgive, especially when you’ve been wronged because it requires you to lay yourself down & not be #1. But if you don’t, you’re only killing yourself because unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.
You have the capacity to forgive when you remember how many times you’ve messed up, yet God still forgives, accepts and loves you. We are called to do the same to others.
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Let’s take our friendships seriously and love people like Jesus loves us. Let’s be an example of this never failing, undeserving love. Let’s stop using each other for our services and love each other as souls. Let’s stop choosing our friends based on what clothes they’re wearing or how much money they have & invest in their company & character.
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We need to be friends who love unconditionally and set an example of the friendship Jesus has offered us.
Thankful you’re my friend. Thanks for reading! Subscribe if you like this blog, I would really appreciate it!
Love always,
Nicole Renard xx #DoStuff
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